My dear fellow humans,
Let me just drop a line or two today, so that creator feel that he lived too. It was not super exciting week, must say, but hey, living the excitement all the time would be too much for any human being. Just used my free time yesterday to walk around my errands and think about all the impressions I have collected for the past weeks.
And it is not all shiny I must say. There were some difficult thoughts crossing my mind, a bit darker than usual. For example thinking about where humanity in general goes too? Disconnection, disengagement, dissatisfaction and dis-functionality.
How we got to be here in the first place? Slowly disengaging from ourselves, and than from others, living the life of ego, full of fears and desperate for some connection in the same time.
One of my ex-clients brought this actually in to my attention. On his referral letter his GP wrote :” feels like for years he has disconnecting from everything, depressed”. Dark he? Difficult to make it what lighter for you. For dark Monday morning, will write again about flirting, promise.
Recently I have talked with my Dutch male friend about the subject of love and engagement and he has shared with me the following statement: “My previous girlfriend of couple months, has cost me my savings for the months spent together”.
His male friend actually has broth the enlightenment in, by asking him a question : “What is the point of having the relationship, ask yourself how much money you have invested in, and what this brought you back? ” .
I know that dating the Dutch guys means dating his wallet, but this is just too painful!!
Let us say, that most of us wants to be in the intimate relationship with a fellow human. We go out, dress up, spend money, time, energy; to find someone special. We find one who looks special; we go out, dress up, spend money, time and energy, and than sometimes this special turns out not to be special at all, or not our special type…and they we are alone again.
We lick our wounds, bear our defeats, count our pennies (in some culture it seems to be part of getting over it) and go on. Or not? Or we get stuck with: ” let me see of this investment of mine actually made the profit, and if the investment did exceed the gain, maybe I should not do it again”.
When did love turn into the profit game? Where I was in the meanwhile? Investing my time, energy, money, myself in to the marriage which did work ONLY for 10 years. Marriage which brought me happy moments, sad moments, crazy moments, relaxed moments; feeling together, feeling lonely, feeling torn, feeling loved; 2 beautiful kids and the list goes on.
Does my investment exceeds the gain and if yes, should I stay bitter on my ex partner for robbing me of my time, energy, money and myself?
Or I should turn back and say THANK YOU: we mixed some of our thingies, some of them got old, some outworn, some new got created, some of yours stayed with me, some of mine stayed with you. We experienced, have grown together and thanks to each other… Amen.
How much that experience of being together for couple hours, days, months or years actually costs in human money? And where is that web shop where I can go and buy the proper quality product for the exact amount of money I’m willing to invest?
You get the point?
We got to be costumers! We expect that our hard earned money, time and energy we want to invest in thingies, should be returned proportionately. We expect quality products. We feel robbed if we invest and not get what we expected (and paid for).
And we want it now! (Or in 2-4 days, the post nowadays are so slow.)
So let us say, that a person A (male here), has need for a connection (it is a basic human need, so it is behind many needs). He is pretty much disconnected from himself (many of us are), and he does not spent much time thinking what he really wants at this moment.
He feels lonely, horny, bored, frustrated or something, but he does not spend time with himself to think what he really feels at this moment.
He just goes with: he needs something now and that something he will find somewhere else. Maybe with some other person?
So he pays a fee for a dating site or go to the bar and meets a girl (or a guy, depends from the preferences).
To recapitulate: he do not really knows what he is missing, do not know how exactly that makes him feel, but he has already invested his time, energy and money to fulfill his need.
Well now, cause he has already invested, he needs to get something out of it. Right? When you meet girl, and she looks OKE than you probably need sex. Right?
So he open his mouth or type in: “I want to kiss you all over your body as soon as possible”, or “You do not know me yet, but we might end up in bed together later on” or “What for sport do you like, I like sex” or …
Well, to put now aside, that most of the girls find these not a good start up lines, I would ask our guy A : “Do you really want to have sex with me?”
Or you want to have sex with something (for that matter you can use some other object or your own hand), or you miss your old girlfriend and how excited she use to make you feel, or you are lonely and in need of some attention?
Or you are hungry for something that you not even know what, which an instant gratification of consuming sex with me wouldn’t really satisfy? Just like your excess use of alcohol, recreational drugs, overeating, shopping, gaming, facebooking also never do.
So next time instead asking a person B: “Would you share some of your sexual fantasies with me?”, any time before you could really experience any physical attraction toward each other; would you please first connect with yourself asking ” do I really honestly want to hear about it?”