So, in part one of the day 4 experience, I have described our dancing adventure, until the moment when we found The Tortoise.
Now, we have the Roman unbreakable formation in front of us, and we need a strategy to deal with it.
The first suggestion is, to let Maraya and Luis, who work with guys all the time, to try and enter the brotherhood. Using their experience, they probably wouldn’t be recognized like” other”. Once being inside, in spite breaking some of the unwritten social rules, they could possibly, using the strategy of Trojan horse, get the rest of us in.
Here we are mixing the Roman with Greek’s history, but there is more and more proofs that the time is not actually linear and that we can change the course of the events if we want. And we want!
The only thing we do not want is to apply typical Dutch way of flirting, where women take all the initiative, and guys passively wait for an intercourse.
The other idea, which we come with, is to slaw-back- dance the guy we find most attractive from the group. That basically means not keeping much distance in between us, if any. I do try this one, on the cutie I see dancing near by, but that jeans of his is apparently too tick, so I do not get anywhere.
I see my friends struggling too. This strategy just doesn’t work, it seems that being in a close of proximity of the woman or man’s body, do not associate the Dutchman on anything else, beside the crowded train on the Monday mornings.
Other dancing tricks which reveal our femininity/masculinity, also leave them completely cool. I have never been more frivolous in my dancing and still, I can not get any of them even to turn into my direction. Our only gain is that Luis gets to be more popular among the women present.
At this point I ask my Dutch friend Jeanine what is the matter with that guys, and she says, “nothing, they are just being Dutch”. I insist on the explanation and she adds, that it could be that they have girls at home (all 20 of them?), but yea this is around it, have fun!
To make things more clear from the male side, I ask my Colombian friend Luis if he thinks this is normal. He explains that, now he would definitely make a move; but 5 years ago he wouldn’t do anything himself about it. He thinks they are just not experienced enough.
Well this is just my life story, I’m always early for things happening. And I totally believe that Dutch men are going to change in 5 years time; if that gets to be set in their five years plans. They are, after all, hardworking and well organized.
The beer keeps flying around, and with all that moving around, the tension is created, finally. The results in that Maraya receives the whole glass of beer on her hair, with the rest of it landing on my shoes (well you asked for it girl, with your curiosity about how things work in The Netherlands) .
Maraya insists on them buying us some drinks, as a apology. Two of them, cutie and another one, seems to seriously discuss it with a cheese head (Dutch: kaaskop, meaning: Hollander; this one with markedly light hair, resembling the color of the cheese). Finally I see them shaking their heads. Nope, too expensive.
Well anyhow, The Tortoise is for the moment wide open, so I use my chances to start a conversation with the cutie, who stills recovers from the shock of being asked for the money.
I guess that now, when the formation who was protecting him from any harm, is wide open, he feels vulnerable, so I make the decision to be gentle.
I ask him sweetly why they are all wearing this shiny thingies around their body parts. It is not one of my best opening lines, but OK, fast improvisation is necessary and I, as magpie, do get attracted to the shinny things. He says that they are having a bachelor party, and that a cheese head is a groom, they’ve been North previously…
He asks if I like that, and I think for myself “yes when my kids wears them”, but I only say “yes”. Bitching around anyhow never brings you anything good. (Well as I hear, this rule applies only on non Dutch women.)
His body language is not closed, he swings in between opening and closing the formation, but he does not say anything anymore.
So I decide to go the Dutch way, and ask some more: “Is it common to drink a lot at the Dutch bachelor parties?” Well that is Dutch way, after all: “Doe normaal, dan do je al gek genough” (be normal, that is crazy enough). He come closer and makes a physical contact. Familiarity of the ways relaxes him, obviously.
“No”, he replies, “we can not drink, we need to protect our groom from all the beautiful ladies, who might want to steal him”.
What?! He is flirting! Oh my God. This is it?! I wish someone may confirm it. I’m flirting with a Dutch man. Or not? Maybe he is just being nice?
“Well if you drink more, you might be stolen from some beautiful lady, you know”, I give a hint. I’m now Dutch direct, right?
“I don’t think so”, he replies. Silence. The formation still open. Physical contact still present.
Is this now no, to me, or to the beautiful ladies of this world, or it is just a line to continue the conversation?
When did the flirting became so difficult?! I wish someone just would inform me why his nonverbal language and verbal silence are not speaking the same thing?
I’m probably the victim of the cultural differences here, but my the first rule of flirting is, have fun. That is why you do flirting! And I do not have any. I’m just trying not to be me.
That leads to me turning my back on him in frustration. It feels really sore and disappointing.
Like a kid, you know, when you learn to blow the balloons, and you think you know how to do it. And than you suddenly get one, which is particularly hard. So you blow and blow and it does not work, and you wonder what are you doing wrong? These are the cultural differences. The hard balloons!
To release the pressure of having to, for last ten years, deal with the cultural differences , and soothe my little me, who was once rejected on the playground from the boy with the name Zeljko (literal meaning “one who is wanted”), I start composing.
Ruben where’s your trousers?
Deep voice recite:
“For many hundred’s of years,
In the lowlands of Netherlands
man have given up wearing the trousers..”
And than comes the song:
“I’m just down from the Silent guys
I’m not big but I’m awful shy
All the girls shout as I walk by,
Ruben, where’s Your Trousers?..”
Well I haven’t really thought up this all by myself, it is a old Scottish song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xIgaSwsqAf0, just adjusted for the occasion.
That amuses me, so I can finally get over Ruben and Zeljko, all together, and move on.
In the mean while, the Roman formation got broken on other places and I see one sweet curly one not knowing where to watch first. He goes from one to other girl in our group and when he gets too be noticed he looks away. He has this big blues eyes and beside that reminds me on my ex. I’m not sure I like that, hence the frustration again, so I decide to do some 4 minutes of staring exercise.
New York psychologist, Professor Arthur Arun, has been studying the dynamics of what happens when people fall in love. He has shown that the simple act of staring into each other’s eyes has a powerful impact.
He asked two complete strangers to reveal to each other intimate details about their lives. This carried on for an hour and a half. The two strangers were then made to stare into each others eyes without talking for four minutes. Afterwards many of his couples confessed to feeling deeply attracted to their opposite number and two of his subjects even married afterwards.
Well this is all nice and fine, but I get like 4 seconds to look at his blue eyes. I repeat this 3 more times, and get the same reaction. Jeanine says, he is just shy, she can see that. I can see that too, but honestly I play kike-boo often enough in my house. I’m done flirting with Dutch men.
In the meanwhile Jasna get noticed and addressed from one of them, they seems to have a nice chat, but he leaves just like he has appeared. I ask what was that all about, she share the same information, 21 of them, bachelor party … somewhere else North on the beach are better parties…and leaves ..no explanation. …She probably gave a wrong answer, she jokes.
Like I would invest, at this moment, going Nord for a better party. It would just unnecessary cost me some petrol. Now you see, my costumer mentality, I also want some value for my money (see my other article One pound of something please….).
One 50+ women smiles at me when ever I look at her direction. Now I remember that she was also winking on me in front of the toilet. I totally understand her. After all, one of my friends did change her sexual orientation in The Netherlands.
Jasna starts a pool dance and the shy, curly one is playing a pool. He literally stands there, arms next to his body, and … he stands! I can not see if he is blushing, it is too dark, but I can see that his face is twitching. Man, you can feel his pain! And you can experience this amazing stamina of his Germanic tribes : “What ever you do to me, I’m not cheating on my girlfriend!” and “I’m not leaving ether!”
Jeanine lose it, and goes to save her fellow compatriot from further suffering. He accept the conversation with a fine relief, and they go on talking. After some time, the rest of us had enough of flirting, and we decide to move to 70s room, Abba, dancing queen and “I’m having the time of my life”.
We leave her there, knowing that she is safe. After all, if she do not attack him, he is not going to attack her, for sure.
I got to say that we had a good time. Laughed a lot! No people got hurt. No drinks got shared. The cultural differences didn’t ruin the evening.
Jeanine got safely escorted home by the contubernium (eight legionaries of the Roman army). She said they were very nice and indeed the shy, curly one had a girlfriend.
Looking for a conclusions? Dutchmen as always, in their flirting skills, appeared to be nice, reliable, passive, misers and sorry but I got to say: awfully boring.
We decided to try following groups next time: British (they get drunk and remove they pants as a part of their flirting strategy; gotta remember to put same good lace on), Irish (they invite you on a drinking contest; mind me to practice my drinking skills), Polish (pay attention more on the inner qualities; should read some recently published book, maybe), Germans ( fraulein do all the work ; ow not sure we should repeat this experience!), Columbians (que culaso mamita! -What an ass, Mama; no problem in that department, luckily), Serbians (they live for flirting; God how I miss that!) and the rest….
And I love THIS cultural differences!