Happiness is a cigar called flirting – Day 4, part one

Dear humans,

For forth day flirting in The Netherlands, another strategy has been chosen. My friends and me have decided to go out, on the beach, to dance. The group consist mainly of girls and we bring one handsome Latin guy, so there is something for everybody’s taste.

At the place it is evident that women outnumber; they also dear to dance quite early in the evening. Guys stand, either alone, either with their better half’s or in the groups, discussing current political situation. Smoking machine is working hard to create smoking hot atmosphere, but not, nothing can replace a real stuff.

My friend Katie says: “It is gerontology here, don’t you think?”, which is kind-a true, we look underage. I did pick up 70-80-90’s music party after all, that could explain:

“.. You know I like my girls a little bit older
I just wanna use your love tonight…”

To add the music into the experience please visit:


You can not bit it, join it;  and soon we take our space, until any still available. Full heartedly, we try to copy all the fingers, elbow, hip movements; we see around us and could possible remember from our teens.

I’m close to DJ table, he passes by, gently laying his arms on my shoulder. I’m not sure was he flirting with me, or he was just worried that one of my elbows will end up in close proximity of his glasses. Well I’m a country girl, we do take our personal space seriously, and we do take plenty of it. He gets back to his place without making an eye contact, so I conclude it was me invading his personal space, not other way around.

I’m looking for a start up of my experiment, even if I do not feel like. I take all my responsibilities seriously, I just do not see any interesting man from here. It is smoky, I’m a small woman, the only guy I could possibly see is a few meters away, and is 2 meters lang. And there is one leaning on the door, with a beer belly. I’ve just concluded that we have common interests, when Maraya suggests that  we should  move away, to get some action. The room next to us, apparently, has more guys.

Well, next place is the sound horror, 2 types of music mixing with each other, and it is better to try techno department after all.

I’m from 70’s, and not a 90’s beach,  but hay, we had enough of naphthalene smell for the evening. (If you do not understand the latest, try google “old people, mothballs”).

Techno room is full of younger guys, so it looks like it will be possible to integrate. I see one, I wouldn’t really mind to make mine, and park.

Maraya is the biggest pervert in the group (that’s what she says), and she immediately suggest that it would best for a starter, to make some finger moves around the guy’s rear axle. I kind- a exercise the movement to see if I still have it in me, but of course I get mocked for my love for a big man: ” Do some apple picking instead, it is a techno party, and your hands will be just on the right height”.

She adds that she got her previous boy-friend, black stallion, by applying this technique. Some liquor, plus bet, was involved, and there were two big guys ready to do some old fashioned fighting to defend the honor of the lady.

I ask my Columbian friend Luis, would he back me up if I have to run, having the boy’s Dutch girlfriend after my back? He replies that he can not fight girls, his religion does not allow him to do that. Good catholic boys raising, that is it!

A whole brotherhood on the left spotted. All wearing the illuminative bracelets on different part of their bodies. They belong together, it is obvious. In their thirties-ch?! We could easy infiltrate and try to make some nice memories together.

Unfortunately, the way they stand is kind-a not inviting. One British client of mine, told me that  “circle of death” is a British description of Dutch people forming closed forms on the parties; with their bodies.

If you are in this country long enough, you must know this phenomena?

The Roman formation,  all body parts protected, no entrée – no matter which force you might be applying?

Voila, I give you The Tortoise!

roman tortise formationWhen laying siege to a fort, Romans used a formation called the tortoise. The soldiers in front and sides interlocked their shields. The soldiers in the back lines placed their shields over their heads to form a protective “shell” over top of the men. “It was so strong that (in training) a chariot could be driven over the top!” (Williams 2003, pg 28).

If not familiar, I will try to pass my, and only my (and half of The Great Britain), look on the things. Been only on a few Dutch parties and decided I have seen them all, so I do not know if this corresponds with other people’s experiences, but it might be a life saving.

There are you, the expat invited on a Dutch party for the first time. If you a lucky, you are bringing a friend along; or you are a colleague of the host, so over there, you might find people you know . 

The reasons that bring an average person on the party are as follow :

  • to celebrate with the host a happy something,
  • to hand over the present and
  • to meet new people.

So you enter, to find out that there is your host and bunch of his friends from primary school (one circle), secondary school (second circle), colleagues from the first job (third circle), colleagues from the second job (forth circle), friends from the sport club (fifth circle).. and you.

Well, do not worry upfront, you will be gently escorted to the right circle, if you happen to belong to the one.

If not, you will be presented to the one of the circles above, where you will find out that people involved, talk about the memories they share together, in Dutch, you happen to master een beetje of geen beetje (little bit or not at all).

Once in a while, you will be kindly asked what are you doing here, and some more questions in English, and the rest of your time, you can politely nod to everyone else.

You will find out also, that the turtle opens only when the host approaches. In that occasion, some old jokes gets to be thrown left and right, following the host leaving the direction of the next turtle. The formation closes.

If you try to push your way in to The Tortoise, please remember two things:

  •  a chariot could be driven over the top, no success,  
  • trying to mingle falls under breaking the unwritten rules of socializing in The Netherlands.

Have fun!

And I do not say that this is bad, it just falls under the cultural differences we all struggle with, by moving abroad.

Serbian parties, I use to attend, looked completely different.

You would get into someone’s house, to find out that the host is nowhere to be found.

That wouldn’t bother you very much, cause the chances you would know the host were not so huge anyhow. Most likely you were invited from your cousin’s girlfriend’s neighbor, who happens to know the host, cause he has sold him some books, and in that exchange found out, that the host is turning 20ti or 30ti something next weekend, and the full name and the address happened to be inside the book covers.

So, the handing over of the present wouldn’t happen and you would have the alcohol bottle or two to put on the kitchen counter.

The music would be too loud to communicate, but someone would notice if you  have a glass or not, and you would be nonverbally asked if you need some or some more alcohol to relax.

If in need to socialize, you would have to develop the habit of smoking, so you could join other chain smokers on the terrace, or in the garden, where all the verbal fun was going on. The rest of the house was used exclusively for dancing and drinking.

If you would need to be alone (or lonely), well good luck, hiding in the toilet wouldn’t work, cause it would be always someone there, vomiting. The bedroom of your hosts parents, wouldn’t work either, cause it would be occupied with some just hooked up couples, rolling in the nest of other people’s jackets.

If in need to hook up with your crash, it was enough to dance around him 3 rounds max and he would ask you if it is OK to bring you some drinks. Than you would go out to chain smoke and get to know each other better.

I never left any party not knowing at least 87% of the people present, the rest of 13% I usually didn’t want to know anyhow.

And by knowing each other, I mean:

  •  we would see each other in very delicate states of existence,
  • we wouldn’t usually discus it ever again, if we ever meet
  • if close friends involved, the joke about, would go on forever.

But that was than, I really do not know how are things back there any more. Probably changed.

Well I guess I need to have a break now, and in my next post you will found out how Serbian, Polish, Columbian and Dutch mafia has cracked “The Tortoise”.

This post is meant to amuse, not to offend any party involved, no matter how the party might be presented.

Please stay with me and feel free to share and comment!

One pound of something please (sex maybe?..) , I saw you have it in the sales; and I want it now

My dear fellow humans,

Let me just drop a line or two today, so that creator feel that he lived too. It was not super exciting week, must say, but hey, living the excitement all the time would be too much for any human being. Just used my free time yesterday to walk around my errands and think about all the impressions I have collected for the past weeks.

And it is not all shiny I must say. There were some difficult thoughts crossing my mind, a bit darker than usual. For example thinking about where humanity in general goes too?  Disconnection, disengagement, dissatisfaction and dis-functionality.

How we got to be here in the first place? Slowly disengaging from ourselves, and than from others, living the life of ego, full of fears and desperate for some connection in the same time.

One of my ex-clients brought this actually in to my attention. On his referral letter his GP wrote :” feels like for years he has disconnecting from everything,  depressed”.  Dark he? Difficult to make it what lighter for you. For dark Monday morning, will write again about flirting, promise.

Recently I have talked with my Dutch male friend about the subject of love and engagement and he has shared with me the following statement: “My previous girlfriend of couple months, has cost me my savings for the months spent together”.

His male friend actually has broth the enlightenment in, by asking him a question : “What is the point of having the relationship, ask yourself how much money you have invested in, and what this brought you back? ” .

I know that dating the Dutch guys means dating his wallet, but this is just too painful!!

Let us say, that most of us wants to be in the intimate relationship with a fellow human. We go out, dress up, spend money, time, energy; to find someone special. We find one who looks special; we go out, dress up, spend money, time and energy, and than sometimes this special turns out not to be special at all, or not our special type…and they we are alone again.

We lick our wounds, bear our defeats, count our pennies (in some culture it seems to be part of getting over it) and go on. Or not? Or we get stuck with: ” let me see of this investment of mine actually made the profit, and if the investment did exceed the gain, maybe I should not do it again”.

When did love turn into the profit game? Where I was in the meanwhile? Investing my time, energy, money, myself in to the marriage which did work ONLY for 10 years. Marriage which brought me happy moments, sad moments, crazy moments, relaxed moments;  feeling together, feeling lonely, feeling torn, feeling loved; 2 beautiful kids and the list goes on.

Does my investment exceeds the gain and if yes, should I stay bitter on my ex partner for robbing me of my time, energy, money and myself?

Or I should turn back and say THANK YOU: we mixed some of our thingies, some of them got old, some outworn, some new got created, some of yours stayed with me, some of mine stayed with you. We experienced, have grown together and thanks to each other… Amen.

How much that experience of being together for couple hours, days, months or years actually costs in human money? And where is that web shop where I can go and buy the proper quality product for the exact amount of money I’m willing to invest?

You get the point?

We got to be costumers! We expect that our hard earned money, time and energy we want to invest in thingies, should be returned proportionately. We expect quality products. We feel robbed if we invest and not get what we expected (and paid for).

And we want it now! (Or in 2-4 days, the post nowadays are so slow.)

So let us say, that a person A (male here), has need for a connection (it is a basic human need, so it is behind many needs).  He is pretty much disconnected from himself (many of us are), and he does not spent much time thinking what he really wants at this moment.

He feels lonely, horny, bored, frustrated or something, but he does not spend time with himself to think what he really feels at this moment.

He just goes with: he needs something now and that something he will find somewhere else. Maybe with some other person?

So he pays a fee for a dating site or go to the bar and meets a girl (or a guy, depends from the preferences).

To recapitulate: he do not really knows what he is missing, do not know how exactly that makes him feel, but he has already invested his time, energy and money to fulfill his need.

Well now, cause he has already invested, he needs to get something out of it. Right? When you meet girl, and she looks OKE than you probably need sex. Right?

So he open his mouth or type in: “I want to kiss you all over your body as soon as possible”, or “You do not know me yet, but we might end up in bed together later on” or  “What for sport do you like, I like sex” or …

Well, to put now aside, that most of the girls find these not a good start up lines, I would ask our guy A : “Do you really want to have sex with me?”

Or you want to have sex with something (for that matter you can use some other object or your own hand), or you miss your old girlfriend and how excited she use to make you feel, or you are lonely and in need of some attention?

Or you are hungry for something that you not even know what, which an instant gratification of consuming sex with me wouldn’t really satisfy? Just like your excess use of alcohol, recreational drugs, overeating, shopping, gaming, facebooking also never do.

So next time instead asking a person B:  “Would you share some of your sexual fantasies with me?”, any time before you could really experience any physical attraction toward each other;  would you please first connect with yourself asking    ” do I really honestly want to hear about it?”

Happiness is a cigar called flirting – Day 3

Dear all,

I haven’t been flirting much live, last days. I was waiting He to call Me. I did some educational lines with guys in our flirting group, but that went without touching, so it hardly can be seen as infidelity. Right? If you have been with me for a while, you probably know who He is. Well , He didn’t call, so I decided to go on with my social experiment.

Shamelessly flirted the way to my kids school/crèche and back. Who says that single, hard working mum’s, can not have fun every day. It is a common prejudice that we are so busy and tired, that we do not even shave out legs anymore, hence would find a time for a new Men in our lives (yes it is plural, it is not a typing mistake).

Must say that on the way there I was distracted with my boys babbling, and didn’t really noticed young dad’s on their way to school laying their eyes on me. Yea, you gotta understand, it is early in the morning, they are also distracted with babbling of their offspring, probably they already had woke up sex with their offspring’s mamma’s. (Bullshit, it is a working day, it is well known that married man in this country are only getting it on the Saturday morning!).

Anyhow, got to wait to pass construction site on my way back, to get noticed. Guy smiles on me, big time, from a distance. Well I didn’t tell you yet, that when I pull my stomach in, I’m quite an eye catcher. I smile back, and we keep on smiling until I can not turn my head anymore. Probably he keeps on checking me even when I pass, but this is really not my responsibility anymore. Anyhow in this country people have an insurance for everything and anything, so if he gets an heart attack, his family will claim that he died on work, and get the money.

There, man on the left, with a super cool mustache. I hesitate to flirt with him thou. My dad once, when I was small, happened to grow his mustache. It was a bit fashion these days, so he gave it a go. My dad was always an eye catcher himself, dark hair, green eyes type, and he had his ways with the ladies. I do not say he did anything around, but ladies use to smile on him a lot.

Anyhow, than one unfortunate time, he grew this unfortunate mustache and they grew red. To be precise, the ginger color!! So there he was, handsome, young , black hair, green eyes, with ginger mustache. I swear, this 20 percent of Celtics’ blood, genetic researches show Serbians have, they all went in my dad’s mustache!!

Can you picture that? Hilarious isn’t it? Yes for you, because it is not your dad we are talking about. I was pretty relieved when he took them off. So I kind a have a childhood mustache trauma and decide to pass this gentleman without flirting.

Now I’m in the bakery, waiting my turn to pay, after a skinny, “I only eat seldom and I exercise a lot”  type of man. Big and powerful tattoo, on his very finely defined arm. You know this type? I think English word be wiry or sinewy. Only muscle, no fat, but not too big? Dry?

Well this guy is in the shop with his 3 -3,5 old soon, buying some sweet rolls for the breakfast. The boy, keeps on jumping one leg to another, can’t wait to get a grip on his food. He is still not influenced with Dutch culture “grab some bread with cheese and go out and do some sport”.

Well I do not say that there is something wrong with it, it is just very different from what I find important in life.

The biggest shock for my Dutch ex partner was this phenomena that Serbians eat. No, that is not a right definition of the matter. “That Serbians eat all the time” , that would be it.

For example, there we are, on the holiday, visiting my family. We just woke up, going down in the kitchen, saying good morning, and getting fresh cheese pie, meat rolls, and cabbage pastry, my mum made, before coffee.

When he protest, he gets to be warned that it is not good to have a coffee on the empty stomach, and that this is just a snack before the breakfast, witch is coming just right away. Fifteen minutes later, we are all busy with our breakfast, trying to work our ways trough sweet and salty, when my mum starts talking about what we are going to have for the lunch. Get it? (Same happens during the lunch of course.)

My ex says, doesn’t matter, he think he is going to take a walk after this big breakfast, but he gets to be warned not to go too far away from house, cause it will be some cake with a coffee in around half an hour from now.

He goes his roundabouts for a while and the rest of us just stay rolling around the couches or on the grass in the garden, depending from a season we are visiting.

After all if it is summer, it is hot. Who wants to do walking, not to mention sport, when is 35 degree , at 9  o clock in the morning?

If it is autumn, it is rainy, wet and cold. If it is winter there is snow outside, it will cost you more calories to get dressed and get out, than what you just got in.

Well Dutch person wants. See the difference?

Surprisingly enough Serbian people in general are not overweight.  Since in Holland, I just keep on gaining weight, with all this gyms fees and cabbage soup restrictions. I think I miss being Serbian.

But I got distracted now, from my flirting experiment.

So I’m trying here to get the attention from that guy next to the cash register. He just keeps staring at the floor and I get frustrated! It is impossible to flirt with this guy! And his 3 years old, he is just watching and learning to be a man from HIM. So this the way the next generation of non flirty Dutch man gets to be created! He finds the floor more interesting than the women around?

He keeps on staring, and I calm my southern temper down, and decide to join him. Now I’m looking at the floor. Maybe he see some coin down, under the counter, and thinks about how to get it out, without casher noticing him. You know how Duchies are around every penny, I do not want even to begin here talking about it.

No, it is not that, he just looks down. Well, the tiles are white, have a nice giraffe patterns in a khaki color, thou. It is not unpleasant to look at it, but I do not personally feel very attracted. Maybe he had a similar pattern on the wall paper in his room when he was a boy, so this soothes him, who knows? Maybe he is just depressed about his life. Maybe mammy of his little one, just took of with some guy who was actually smiling at her occasionally. God knows, and definitely with this thought I start feeling more empathic toward him.

Little boy gets his sweet rolls, and he grins on me, talking something non understandable in his underdeveloped mother tong. I get it darling, your smile is overpowering,  it goes something about   “I-sweet-love!”. I sweet love you too, I say, and he goes away.

Back on the street two garbage men, leaning on the wall, are giving me hungry looks. There is this law of attraction again: ” What you radiate is what you get”. And I wear orange today. They too.

Off to my work, no flirting anymore.

Love you guys, please feel free to comment..

Happiness is a cigar called flirting – Day 2- Complete experience

Got myself ready to go. Let me see, my every day wear: jogging pants- black, t-shirt-gray, no bra (girls if YOURS are still independently standing, do not support them with the bra’s, u can get cancer and guys in this country just need some excitement), slippers, some make up, hair style “ I’ve just got out from the bed “ (that CAN be sexy, true??)

Oh dear, no wonder that I’m still single, 5 month after my divorce went through. This is a serious stuff, this experiment, you cannot go out like this, says the smart voice in me. I’m the mother of two, driver, worker, cook, cleaner, administrator, handy-man, gardener, and I just do not have time to make myself every morning pretty. Anyhow if you guys want to see me all straightened up, please make an appointment with me. Note: When I’m working I do wear the bra. And for my defense: I mend myself, I always wear lace, it is just not visible.

Oke, red sweeter and some perfume will do. Red usually does the trick. It did it yesterday, at least.

Now my child. Oh dear, I’ll have to bring my youngest in to my experiment!!! Wonder what his father and the social services in The Netherlands would have to say about it?! Anyhow, he is a little man, he could use some education on time. And no one will show his intimate parts yet, hopefully! Wear him red too, he is anyhow handsome little fellow. I might not get too many enthusiastic men getting all horny on me, but on the other hand, it is a good advertising “ I really do make beautiful babies” and for guys from macho cultures “I only make boys”. It explain also, my slightly swollen belly (she mind herself, just not have time to go to gym and lose this pregnancy weight). Well I never said I’m a movie star, remember?

Get out of the house and smile, you beautiful women!

Here comes my young neighbor, handsome one, slash smile. He missed me and anyhow I’m friendly with his lovely wife. We do have saying in Serbia: do not shit where you eat, so it is better this way.

Second comes a pick up guy. UU I like walking streets like this, head up, all smiles, tits still standing, in red. Feel better already. Let me check him up. Good looking!! My harts pounds a bit from all this muscles around. I’m not used anymore to have that anywhere near. He missed me too. Too busy with a wrong pickup! Pity, he looked good in orange. I could whistle or throw stones on him, but then hey I’m respectable mother of two and psychotherapist, and you do not go around and actually hurt people cause you are in need of attention.

Approaching the supermarket. Guy from the car is checking me out. It is not that I was breaking any pediatrician rules. I think he likes my sweeter.. Or he is a pedophile? Or a teacher in the nursery school?

Sixty something on the corner. 100% autochtone. He smiles, big smile back and says halloooo. I can tell that some juices are still flowing in that body. Veery encouraging!.

Entering the smarket area. All women!!! I might be bisexual, according to some researches most of us are, but I’m not there yet.

Man on the entrance of the supermarket, tall, well built, Dutch. He actually frowns on me!! I will get back to you mister! I have time. And you haven’t seen south of Europa yet, obviously!

Another big man. I love big man. I’m a small woman but have a sharp character. Something in me still believes that a big man could possibly domesticate me. By build and appearance probably Polish man. He passes me and runs to the bakery. Very hungry indeed!! But he could start thinking about something else but food, if he does not want to feel very lonely in Holland!

Dutch frowning example are also approaching the bakery and stand right next to the Polish guy. I slowly mingle in between, saying one innocent sorry. Cozy! Sandwich! Threesome! (Lady whose 14 years old sun reads this post, do not worry, he probably knows all about it from Google). Polish man still busy with his food! Dutch sheepishly smile at me. OOO you are flirting baby… I know that now. If you caught me yesterday, I would not even guess that you are just too shy, and that your protestant mother taught you not to look at women, and if you accidentally do, you should FROWN first. If she passes the barrier than she is the right one! Or at least she is Dutch, because she knows her roundabouts with you. And the blood line stays clean.

Very old man approaching. Although man say that man is until he is not dead, I think this one is now only concentrating on walking and breathing. Apologies’ if I was wrong.

I turn for not obvious reason only to see a really handsome one, checking my back-ground with obvious pleasure and stamina. I would say a Dutch builder, with a really good testosterone levels. But after he passes me I see a big wet stain on his pants on the place where his anus should be located. It is probably just water but it is off-putting. Who wants a guy who still does it in his pants? Even by accident?

Next one is a really young employ of the supermarket. He looks so young that I’m not sure if I’m at all allowed to smile at him, so I do not. He nervously finds his way around me, coming back and forth, but then he decides to stay. It looks like his hormones are working just fine, and that this country has a future.

Then I locate myself next to the tools, hoping it will be a man approaching so that I can actually start communicating verbally with someone. I got myself a diamond sharpener, very strange tool which I never saw before, and I’m intending to ask the first guy what is it for. Guys like to play smart about tools and help helpless ladies who do not know better. Instructions for use are written on the box, but there are in English, and I look so NOT Germanic that no one ever addressed me in English in 10 years, unlike my other friends. So I could go with pretending I do not speak English. Unfortunately only guys with wifies pass by, and eventually I get bored and move on. You do not flirt with a guy while his wife breathe in his neck. It is just not moral. And the chances that he will dare to speak to you are equal zero.

Oke… Now I’m done with my shopping, but will make another round. It is my free day; I can do whatever I want with my free time. So I scroll around, buying some more unnecessary items. This experiment is very much not good for my family budget. If it last, I will go bankrupt. Or maybe I will get less bored, lonely and horny, so I will lose need for emotional eating and shopping. This might be than seen as an investment for the future. And I’m also saving the human race. Mind the money.

Next one is a mixture of Dutch and Indonesian genes, and he is literally staring at me with his BIG BLACK eyes. And he keeps on staring!! I chicken out, what do I know about staring? This other woman, she was staring at Bokito (gorilla dominant male) in the Zoo in Rotterdam and he broke all her bones. Staring is not for a small women, is scary.

And then it is my turn to pay my groceries and I see an Angel. Just across me. He has it all: biceps’s, tricepses, 6 packs, no wait.. 8 packs, and he is of caramel color. I’ve just met mine soul mate, people.!!! He looks at me, smile. I remember what my friend said about her Latin lover and I chocolate melt. Somewhere in between turning in to Choco-pasta and paying my bill I remember my belly. Pull it in, pull it in, you do not have to breath ALL THE TIME, dam it! I pull my stomach in, and start praying. Or better bargaining with the God again: please God if you give me this man, I will eat the cabbage soup and nothing but the cabbage soup every day, the rest of my days, and I will start to enjoy it. I will also exercise until I’m sweat and tears. Sweat and tears, amen! But God is, I guess, fed up with me promising I will do things. Or he knows that cabbage soup is just not good for my blood type.
So, the man of my dreams leaves, and I still haven’t paid my bill. If he by any chance read this post, I beg him to call me on a date. He knows who he is, he recognized me too, mind the pretense.

Well until now, if you are still reading, you probably think I’m an empty headed women who falls only for muscles, testosterone and sweat, but it is not really so. I, for example, like the nerdy men. I like them so much that I have married one before. He did have six packs though, but I married him because he was a nerd, I promise. I have divorced him for the same reason though, (and because he stopped doing sport), but never mind, that is too private to share.

Let us go back to my love toward nerdy. I love them cause they can be so sweet, nice and innocent. I want to kiss them, to make up for all the girls they didn’t kiss, because although usually very smart, they were shy, insecure, with poor social skills and the computers just came along in their sensitive age. So girls if you see nerdy or quirky one, along your way, kiss him for me too.
I’M DONE with nerds and too much testosterone. Will go the middle way from now one. Of course except if HE calls me on a date. Than it is a FATE and nothing but a FATE.

Back to our experiment:
What doesn’t break you, make you stronger, so I pull my dignity, my tits and my broken heart and I leave. On the way I see a very nicely dressed guy, metro type. He looks away, playing hard to get, no wait.. he is watching himself in the window. I almost say “don’t worry you look better than me today, if that comfort u”, but I decide to be kind.

After that I meet two people holding hands (very sweet), young guy smiling at me and my little one (will be a good dad one day), family guy scanning me after his wife’s back (immoral predator), the person on the telephone lost in some cyber space (probably nerd), two guys on the bikes which I try to distract from pedaling, but in this country nobody falls for the woman from the bike (try Italy, they fall there from the motorbikes, says my friend).
And that was it for today.

I must say I got tired from all this flirting. It would be good to focus in the near future. Maybe one flirt for a day! And maybe some verbal communication INSTEAD?

Have a lovely day and please let me know what your experiences were during the weekend.

Happiness is a cigar called flirting – Day 2

Dear All,

I have promised I will share my experiences about my second day flirting in the Netherlands. I must say that flirting and writing about it amused me to the bits, but man; it takes time to do it! I must get more efficient or I will just go on with flirting and you guys start writing about it.

It is written in a light tone it might not teach you a lot about the flirting, but it might amuse you with your Saturday morning coffee.


  • On a second day of flirting, live now, my conclusions are as follow:
    girls should not wear bra’s, it is not good for anybody’s health
  • you cannot have it all, but you can always go with a red sweeter
  • children are never too young to see their parents engaged in activities which make them happy
  • I had a potential to become a movie star, but it didn’t work for me
  • “ do not shit where you eat” make sense
  • no matter how lonely and horny you feel, it is never OK to throw stones on others     (neither to show/talk them your intimate parts on the first date)
  • when women in your forties, man of 60+ still think you are a great young chick
  • according to some researches most of us are bisexual, but I’m not there yet
  • frowning on people in Dutch means “come and get me baby”’
  • Polish man are lonely in Holland cause they like to eat too much
  • walking and breathing go before sex
  • guys who openly check your back-ground sometimes have something on their      back-grounds
  • The Netherlands has a future
  • if you want to play helpless, develop some patience girl
  • it is not moral to flirt with a guy while his wife breathe in his neck
  • money can always be well invested and the humans can be saved
  • staring at women will trigger some submissive behavior, but you do not get laid mister
  • Angels are among us and Latin lovers, opposite of what is believed of them, are    not always so horny that they will rip your clothes away soon they see you, no matter how do you look
  • the God always knows what is good for you and that is sometimes not a cabbage soup
  • nerds and body builders of this world need to be kissed, but it is sometimes better to go middle way
  • mirror yourself at home and when out, look at that girl beautiful eyes, instead
  • if you want to create a big waves you better change the country
  • not easy to eye- flirt guys who are not used to it
  • Dutch men do flirt, but you have to push a bit to get in to their pants. If you like it, go for it, said one Dutch girl in a tread. If not, woman, there are 100 other nations in The Hague!
  • flirting can be very tiring activity, better control your ADHD

Now, if crazy enough to read the whole experience to understand the conclusions, be free to do so (check next article, it is hilarious). Do not hold me responsible for your free time usage. Have a lovely day and let us know!

Happiness is a cigar called flirting-Day 1

Dear all,

After the long discussion, following my first post ” The Dutch man can flirt, myth or reality”, the conclusion was that I should start a social experiment “Happiness is a cigar called flirting”, to see by myself, if Dutch man can flirt and to rapport about it.

Here are results of the Day 1 social experiment (online):

I think 3 guys flirted with me during the course of our discussion.

Number one pm me immediately (send me a private message on the Facebook), that he is in for flirting or sex or whatever I want. I appreciate the move, very brave to expose yourself so far, but I must say it sounded a bit cheap. First, if you are in for what ever I want, I must think about your self esteem. Second, I’m bit old fashioned girl (most of the girls raised similar I’m afraid), so mentioning sex, my intimate parts, your intimate parts in the first conversation, just do not make me horny enough. There is this joke when a simple women comes to gynecologist for the first time and he says” please undress”, and she replies “wait a bit doctor, let us just first kiss for a while”. Tip to my new friend: try instead for example: interesting topic, can we discuss it privately?

Second flirt: very sweet man, complimenting and so, pleasant tone of conversation. Experience: the best sex happens in between two people who are equal. Mentioning that you like mature woman, only make me feel old and motherly. Next thing what will happen, I”ll ask you to put your jacket on and use a loo before going out, just like your mummy. Well, that is the effect you didn’t want to achieve! Tip: do not talk about the age difference if you haven’t been asked for directly (except if you are under-aged)!
There is this joke about 80 years old women being warned that sex with young man can be fatal and she replies ” if he dies, he dies”!

Third guy was complimenting me and than stopped. I did check him out and saw him holding a baby. I wan’t flirt with a guy hoe has a family and was he flirting than at all?! Very Dutch subtle and than stop and than baby!? Confusing. I probably should see it as flirting and check about family, but unfortunately life is too fast nowadays and on average people spend only 15 sec checking a website. (Don’t know statistics for Facebook profile’s)
Tip: when start flirting, keep on rolling, excitement grows with every word you say, and mind what the photo’s on your social profiles speak about you. Girls take you time to check guys longer!
Didn’t notice more people flirting with me. If you did, ask yourself if you was to subtle or if I was too careless.
Today I go smiling around!

Please free comment on this. I’m just one person and maybe I got it all wrong. Your help is more than welcomed. Join the project, go and flirt, it is summer. Share your experiences.
I do not hold any responsibility, thou, for any dates, sex’s, relationships, broken hearts and babies this project might potentially create.
Have a great day!

The flirty Dutch man, myth or reality?

I’m delighted to announce that this morning in the local supermarket, after almost 10 years living in The Netherlands, a Dutch guy actually flirted with me. Openly and brutally, using full force of his green eyes and a killer smile.

I was so flabbergasted with his move that I almost invited him to my home to reward him for his bravery! (Unfortunately last minute my sense of decency and responsibility came trough.)

I hear from my Dutch friends that Dutch guys do look and flirt, but they seems to be very discreet in doing it. My female friends and clients (I’m a shrink), non Dutch origin, have the same complain (guys here do not flirt and do not approach girls in the bars, on the parties etc).

I come from a culture where Eros is playing a major role in every activity man can possible think about and I must say that I miss a smell of it in Dutch cuisine and in general living.

I’m curious to know what your experience is expat people?
Also would like to hear from Dutch guys reading this post am I a possibly missing out something or is any cultural (protestant) background which limit Dutch people in expressing their sexuality in everyday (shopping) activity?

Please stay kind in your comments, this post it is not meant to be an insult for anyone and especially not for a Dutch man who might not be flirty but are often very sweet!

Hello world!

Dear all,

This blog is a result of me posting a discussion about flirting capabilities of the Dutch man, in one of the group on Facebook. The tread kept going on and on, for days. (The post you can see on this blog, the treads unfortunately not.)

Obviously talking flirting means bringing Eros in, and people do want to get involved with Eros, it is fun!

On the other hand a lot of frustration has appeared in all the comments; frustration about flirting, dating and loneliness. One of the guys shared with us a study showing that 40% of the people in The Netherlands feel lonely and among non-Dutch population this percentage is even higher- 60%.

I will not go on here talking why we expats feel so lonely in The Netherlands, but I would just add that loneliness is one of the tributaries feeding into the rivers of anxiety and depression. But loneliness doesn’t just effect your psychological well being. It has a hold on heart disease, immunity function, nervous system disorders and many other illnesses. It is not wrong to say that many of the health issues in the world stem from loneliness. No wonder that my colleagues (psychologists and psychotherapists) and I have so much work nowadays. And it is not related only to The Netherlands, it is a universal experience.

So, do not be lonely, go out and give it a shot with other fellow humans. Flirt, never know, maybe you’ll make friends, lovers or other.

As a solution for a problem we got a Facebook group started: The flirting of minds and manners” – https://www.facebook.com/groups/399474840263588/.

We try to discus flirting, love, sex, relationships ..overthere, on a friendly and flirty way.

Join us, it might be fun. And health protective!