I’m delighted to announce that this morning in the local supermarket, after almost 10 years living in The Netherlands, a Dutch guy actually flirted with me. Openly and brutally, using full force of his green eyes and a killer smile.

I was so flabbergasted with his move that I almost invited him to my home to reward him for his bravery! (Unfortunately last minute my sense of decency and responsibility came trough.)

I hear from my Dutch friends that Dutch guys do look and flirt, but they seems to be very discreet in doing it. My female friends and clients (I’m a shrink), non Dutch origin, have the same complain (guys here do not flirt and do not approach girls in the bars, on the parties etc).

I come from a culture where Eros is playing a major role in every activity man can possible think about and I must say that I miss a smell of it in Dutch cuisine and in general living.

I’m curious to know what your experience is expat people?
Also would like to hear from Dutch guys reading this post am I a possibly missing out something or is any cultural (protestant) background which limit Dutch people in expressing their sexuality in everyday (shopping) activity?

Please stay kind in your comments, this post it is not meant to be an insult for anyone and especially not for a Dutch man who might not be flirty but are often very sweet!

Dear all,

This blog is a result of me posting a discussion about flirting capabilities of the Dutch man, in one of the group on Facebook. The tread kept going on and on, for days. (The post you can see on this blog, the treads unfortunately not.)

Obviously talking flirting means bringing Eros in, and people do want to get involved with Eros, it is fun!

On the other hand a lot of frustration has appeared in all the comments; frustration about flirting, dating and loneliness. One of the guys shared with us a study showing that 40% of the people in The Netherlands feel lonely and among non-Dutch population this percentage is even higher- 60%.

I will not go on here talking why we expats feel so lonely in The Netherlands, but I would just add that loneliness is one of the tributaries feeding into the rivers of anxiety and depression. But loneliness doesn’t just effect your psychological well being. It has a hold on heart disease, immunity function, nervous system disorders and many other illnesses. It is not wrong to say that many of the health issues in the world stem from loneliness. No wonder that my colleagues (psychologists and psychotherapists) and I have so much work nowadays. And it is not related only to The Netherlands, it is a universal experience.

So, do not be lonely, go out and give it a shot with other fellow humans. Flirt, never know, maybe you’ll make friends, lovers or other.

As a solution for a problem we got a Facebook group started: The flirting of minds and manners” – https://www.facebook.com/groups/399474840263588/.

We try to discus flirting, love, sex, relationships ..overthere, on a friendly and flirty way.

Join us, it might be fun. And health protective!